Let Us Grow Old
by Ithilien Archer
Summary: On New Vulcan, Spock Prime is missing someone he lost a long time ago. Lightyears away on the Enterprise, a young Spock is beginning to realize that he would have to live without his Jim one day. K/S


**A/N: Unbeta'd, though I did try to catch some errors this time. Please excuse the ones I missed. Thank you to all my returning readers. Your support is greatly appreciated.**

**Music: I Wanna Grow Old with You (by Westlife)**

**Let Us Grow Old**

SPOCK PRIME- NEW VULCAN

_Another day, without your smile_

It has been years, decades, nearly a century...but the pain has not faded. A Vulcan's memory is eidetic; a gift and a curse. These days it seems to him more a curse. Every morning he wakes, a name falls from his lips -_t'hy'la_- but there is no answer. Some days the memory of a reply...from lips -_that once smiled sweetly_- he had once kissed... is the only solace he can find. On other days, the lingering ghost of that smile and those hazel eyes he had loved -_still love_- is a burden. He wishes he could forget, just forget –

– because half awake, the weight and warmth of a familiar body still dips the mattress so...Half awake, a body he knew more intimately than any other aside from his own still fits perfectly within his embrace.

Awake.

It is nothing more than a memory of how things used to be. Once. A long time ago. A very long time ago. Ninety three years. Another man's lifetime. _And so long _in comparison to the twenty-eight years he had known Jim.

_Another day, just passes by_

His eyes open to blinding emptiness. It is another day on New Vulcan, another day of waking alone. Spock did not know how much longer he could do this, but – _Ashayam, I do not understand how I could miss you so – _he had made a promise to Jim's memory...

– he regrets not saying goodbye, though it was not his fault that he did not get to. Jim had been lost...but Spock still thinks (illogically) that maybe he could have done something...at least found a way to say farewell to the one being who meant more to him than any other in the universe. He regrets not having the chance to say goodbye. And he regrets that Jim had to die alone.

…to continue living for as long as he could, to achieve all the had was meant to. His _t'hy'la_ would have wanted him to. Jim Kirk was a man who cared for others above himself, a man who put others' well-being before his own sometimes at the cost of his own safety. He would never have let Spock throw away his life prematurely. And Spock...Spock had to honor his Jim.

_And it hurts so bad I can't take it any longer_

But Spock has lived a long and fulfilling life. He has become a well known ambassador throughout the galaxy...had altered a whole time line even. Though many lives had been lost due to his actions, the life he had had since Jim's death has been so much more than he had imagined possible. There had even been days when the ache in his heart had been reduced to no more than a dull throb. Now, however, the ache has become a sharp pain, one that he could no longer convince himself to ignore. Perhaps, then _-I miss you, Jim-_ it was time that he join his beloved in the afterlife (and no, Vulcans did not believe in the existence of such a thing, but the possibility of a reunion with Jim has been the main force behind his ability to continue every day). Afterall, a wise woman had once said that he belonged at Jim's side... _"as if you've always been there and always will"._ He has no more to lose and certainly no more left to do. "_If there's any true logic to the universe, we'll end up on that bridge again some day"_.

And they have...he is no longer needed here.

~o~

SPOCK-USS ENTERPRISE

_I wanna grow old with you_

"Spock," Jim whispers quietly, exhaustion plain in his voice as dull blue eyes sweep open. Spock abandons his work at the desk and crosses their room to Jim's bedside. Reaching out, he grips a too-warm human hand with his own while placing his other hand on Jim's forehead.

"I am here, Jim." He could not keep the concern out of his voice, could not keep his eyes from running over Jim's face, cataloging every detail, checking for any sign of pain or otherwise.

"Stop worrying so much. I'm fine." And Spock wants to. He wants to stop worrying, but he could not. Jim had nearly died just a few days ago -_and he had died once before and Spock never, ever wanted to witness it again._ It did not matter that Doctor McCoy had informed him that Jim is no longer in any real danger. It did not matter that Jim is now resting comfortably in their quarters with no other symptom than a low fever. The past two weeks he had spent with Jim fighting to live had taught him something that Spock wished he did not have to understand. Jim, regardless of how he embodied light and life, is human. And fragile.

"Be hush, _ashayam,_ you need your rest." Though his eyes are already closed halfway, Jim still rolls his head to the side in protest. Blinking, he looks up through long lashes at the Vulcan, frustrated amusement shinning softly in his eyes.

"Spock, I'm going to be okay." He knows. Spock knows that Jim will recover from this disease, but the thought brings less comfort than it should. Jim will be okay...for now. There were many things in this universe that could take Jim from him.

"Jim...," Spock says, trailing off when he realizes that he did not know how to express his fears. They are illogical fears, he knows this, because death is a natural part of life -_but it has been a long time since he has tried to apply logic to everything Jim_. A smile curls the corners of Jim's lips, soft and gentle. Cerulean eyes meet warm brown, and an understanding floats between them. Though it may be unfathomable to think that they would be parted one day, it is an inevitability that neither can escape. _Parted from me and never parted. _

But Spock could not escape from his worry, mortality has been on his mind these days, and the fear blooming within him has no means of containment. He slips into bed beside Jim and gathers the blond close, relaxing slightly only when Jim's forehead presses to his own and their minds brush together in mutual comfort. Closing his eyes, Spock sends all the emotions, all his love for Jim through their point of contact, relishing in the content sigh that falls from the human's lips.

_ Taluhk nash-veh k'dular, t'nash-veh ashayam._

_I cherish thee, my beloved. _

And for now, those words-_ spoken so many times, but each time just as meaningful and powerful as the first- _will have to be enough.

When Spock opens his eyes, it is to the indescribable blue of Jim's, and he thinks that he can not live for long if those eyes were to lose their light. He does not say this, but Jim's smile is one of understanding. "I love you," Jim says, simple yet full of meaning _-everything-_ Spock finds that he cannot look away, he never could. Moments later, a broader smile paints itself across Jim's tired face and his eyes shine with newly kindled warmth as he says, in all seriousness... _Spock, you have no idea how much I love you and it's scary as hell, but this is the best thing to ever happen to me. The best thing that will _ever_ happen to me_. "We're going to grow old together. You and I."

The simple statement remains in his head throughout the night, replaying over and over as Jim sleeps peacefully within his embrace. Spock does not think about the fact that Vulcans have a far longer life span than humans, that even if they did "grow old" together as Jim says, he would still be only middle aged in comparison. He does not calculate the statistical probability of him outliving Jim -_because how could he when the probability is so high?_

He does not think about the fact that on New Vulcan, there is already-_and if alternate universes exist, then there are certainly more-_ a Spock that has to live without his Jim Kirk.

-_fin_


End file.
